


Love comes in different forms

by Mayaismaya



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, a little of domestic abuse, also cliche af, and we dont have enough cliche nomin so, but everybody needs cliche once in awhile, just one scene though, nomin is sailing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-04
Updated: 2018-05-04
Packaged: 2019-05-02 03:45:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14535927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mayaismaya/pseuds/Mayaismaya
Summary: Jaemin doesn't think he'll ever find love, not in the form of his best friend at least.





	Love comes in different forms

**Author's Note:**

> Reasons why this exist:
> 
> \- Nomin ship needs to sail fast  
> \- Jaemin and Jeno are just lovable  
> \- We need more nomin stories
> 
> Few facts about this story:
> 
> \- They're all 19 in here  
> \- It's a college au  
> \- I don't follow exact facts like birthdates and such here, so please keep an open-mind yeah? xoxo  
> \- I'm keeping this innocent (might be kisses here and there 'cause everybody need kisses)  
> \- angst, angst, angst  
> \- but read till the end, yeah?

**Prompt: Jaemin doesn't think he'll ever find love, not in the form of his best friend at least.**

 

Jaemin likes romance stories. It's all he ever read and watch to be honest. He likes the uncomfortable tightness in his chest when the main characters hurt each other, be it intentional or not. He likes it even better when the tightness fades into tingling butterflies as those characters make up and confess. Cliche and anti-climatic may they be, but he still likes them anyway. 

But as cliche as it may seem, Jaemin never thought that such stories will ever come into life. He does dream though. He dreams of leading a life with a love story worth to be told and written about, whatever its ending might be. Mark thinks he's strange for wanting a love that may end up painful but Jaemin thinks otherwise. He thinks he would rather have a broken heart more than having a dull, empty life. 

But again, life isn't fair. All Jaemin ever want is a life with stories worth remembered yet all he's ever led is just a dull life devoid of colours. Jaemin has had a few crushes here and there before, never quite close to being called love sadly, but he had wished that those crushes might make a beautiful story for once. Except, they never did. 

The crushes ended before they could even blossom. Jaemin always found himself liking someone unattainable. Like that guy whom he had seen once in the subway station, or that foreigner guy he'd managed to talk to about some great books who apparently was only in Seoul for his two weeks vacation. Always, always unattainable. 

At this point, Na Jaemin already thinks that never in his life will he ever find love. Love just doesn't work out for him and such stories will never be  _his_  story to tell.  _"Come on, Nana. You're just being pessimistic again. Just be patient and I'm sure the right guy will come to you. You don't have to look for it,"_ Mark once told him when Jaemin had voiced his thought about his own love life. Jaemin wishes he can say  _yeah, I know_  to him. But how can he, when life once again wants to prove the same point all over again?

 

 

"Nana, you're frowning again." Jeno says with a grin, Mark and Donghyuck only agreeing with simultaneous nods. Jaemin blinks a few times before his frown deepens as he shakes his head.

"No, I'm not." Jaemin denies but his reply only stretches the grin on Jeno's face as the latter gently pokes a finger against the skin just between Jaemin's eyebrows. 

"See? A frown." He counters and Jaemin stiffens. "Your frowning look is cute, but it doesn't suit you."

"I. am. not. cute. Jeno." Jaemin hisses and softly slaps Jeno's hand away, a pout already forming over his thin lips. Jeno just shrugs the comment off before he picks up his fork again.

"Why do you look so constipated anyway?" Jeno asks after that, munching on a piece of chicken breast off of his half-empty plate. Mark and Donghyuck snicker at his question and Jeno quirks a curious eyebrow at Jaemin's frantic denial.

"I do not look constipated! And shut up, you morons!"

"We didn't even say anything!" Donghyuck counters.

"Your sickening grins are loud enough." Jaemin grunts with a roll of his eyes.

"But seriously, why though? You look happy just a while ago." Jeno asks again and oh how Jaemin wishes that Jeno will just drop the question already.

"Isn't he just jealous?" Mark says it offhandedly, almost as if he doesn't almost kill Jaemin with his heart attack-inducing comment.

"Jealous? Jealous of who—"

"No one! No one is jealous of anyone! So can we please just have this lunch in peace before someone gets killed?" Jaemin harshly hisses as he glares at the other two perpetrators. 

"Yeah, wouldn't want to have to visit someone's funeral so soon, right, Nana?"

"Hyuck, shut the hell up."

"Wait, wait. Nana, why am I out of the loop? Who are you talking about?"

"Nana is just jealous, Jeno. You should comfort him." Mark answers instead, and Jaemin really doesn't know who he wants to murder first. Mark, or Donghyuck.

"Jealous of whom?"

"Hmm, I wonder. Maybe someone who was just here a minute ago?" 

Okay, that's it. He's assassinating Donghyuck first, preferably with a silencer gun.

"You mean, Lami? Nana, you're jealous of Lami?" Jaemin widens his eyes and shoots up from his seat so suddenly that the chair would have toppled over if not for Jeno who held onto it for him.

"I- I'm not jealous of anyone!"

"Okay, okay. I get it. Calm down, Nana. I'm sorry I didn't notice your feeling. I'm really not a good best friend, am I?" Jeno says, a look of guilt caresses his look as he pulls Jaemin down into his seat again. Mark and Donghyuck immediately exchanges looks, a silent conversation taking place between them while Jaemin has his own crisis battling in his chest.

 

_shit shit, did he notice? Did he realise?_

 

Jaemin just looks over at his dejected-looking best friend, feels his heart hammering painfully against his chest as he waits for Jeno to drop the ticking bomb.

"I'm really sorry for not noticing, Nana." Jeno apologises, makes Jaemin feel worse as he readies himself for a rejection. "You like Lami, don't you? Is that why you're jealous when she came over to talk to me?" Jeno says instead and,

 _Oh._  

Jaemin cannot decide whether he's lucky or unlucky enough that Lee Jeno can be this dense. He notices how Mark rolled his eyes at Jeno's conclusion while Donghyuck literally slams a palm against his forehead-- a literal definition of facepalm.

Jaemin just lets out a deep breath he doesn't realise he's been holding and forces a bitter smile.

"Yeah. Maybe." He doesn't think it can hurt this much just to find out that his feeling will probably never reach his friend.

"Oh. Um, I— I'll make sure not to hit on her, okay? I promise. You don't have to worry."

"Whatever, Jeno. It doesn't matter. Just drop it, okay." He dismisses nonchalantly, only to feel his chest heavy and tight when he notices the way Jeno's face falls a little at his cold tone.

"Uh, I'm full. I think I'm gonna head on first for my dance practice." Jaemin says as he grabs his bag, standing up. "See you guys tomorrow?"

"Yeah, see you tomorrow, Nana." Mark and Donghyuck replies with a wave, mouth still chewing despite that. He is just about to make his way out when Jeno too springs up from his seat just as he rushes his few last bites of his food.

"Wait, Nana, I'm coming with you." He says with his mouth full and Jaemin just shakes his head amused.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Jeno." He tells the other, swooning internally when Jeno frowns and pout.

"But I thought—“

"Lami is waiting for you, remember? You don't have to wait for me." Jaemin explains, doesn't notice the way Jeno's shoulders deflate a little at that.

"But I promised not to—" Jeno tries to reason but Jaemin doesn't let him.

"Yeah, but you promised Lami first. I hate a guy who breaks his promise, Lee Jeno. So go." He cuts the other off and wave a dismissive hand.

"I get it. Sorry, Nana. I'll see you tomorrow." Jeno agrees with a weak smile.

"Yeah, don't miss me so much, okay? Later." 

Jaemin forces a grin before he finally leaves for the studio, his steps heavy and his hand clutching tightly unto the fabric over his heart.

It hurts. It really hurts, falling for your best friend that is.

 

˚˚˚˚˚˚˚

 

"Are you ever going to tell him about your feelings, Nana?" Mark asks as he belly-lies on Jaemin's bed, fingers dancing as he prances onto the controller in attempt to beat Jaemin at his game. It catches the latter off guard that he misses one push of a button to unleash his special attack unto Mark's character when the other uses that window to deal a significant blow to Jaemin's instead.

"Yes! Finally, one win!" Mark whoops and pump a fist into the air. Jaemin rolls his eyes as he throws the controller unto his bed.

"That's cheating, asshole."

"Cheating is allowed if it means that I can finally beat your ass up at your own game." Mark chirps happily, grabbing a handful of homemade popcorns as he munches on them.

"Cheap ass." He mumbles, flipping through a few movies to watch. 

"Anyway, you didn't answer my question." Mark continues as he watches Jaemin scan through his choices.

"I thought that was only for cheating." Jaemin says with an eyebrow raised. The other just shrugs his shoulders off and fix his lying position.

"Well, might as well continue the conversation. So? Tell me. Are you?" 

"Why should I?" Jaemin shoots a question back, avoiding.

"Uh, because you should? Who knows, maybe he feels the same way?" Mark tries to argue.

"Mark, you watch too many dramas. There's no way something as cliche as that can happen." Jaemin answers anyway, shaking his head amused while his friend just rolls his eyes back at him. 

"Says the one who spends most of his life reading and watching love stories." Mark comments, annoyed and Jaemin just chuckles loudly.

"Exactly, Mark. It's exactly because I do that so much that I know how to differentiate between  _stories_  and reality. And Jeno returning my feelings is something that I know will never happen." 

"I think that you just tend to think too much, Nana. Why don't you just let loose and go with the flow for once? Tell him you like him and whatever the outcome is, aren't you happy that you can at least say that you tried?" Jaemin knows Mark is trying to reason him out, tries to convince him but Jaemin is stubborn.

"And I think you think too little, Mark. There's no way I can do that." 

"And why not?"

"Jeno's been my friend since we were little. There's no way I'm harming our friendship just because my feelings get in the way."

"Jeno's not like that. He won't change just because you tell him your feeling. You know him better than that." Mark replies, not without a frown marring his face.

"It's exactly because of that, Mark. I know he wouldn't change so how do you think I'll feel to  find out that my feeling for him changes nothing at all?" Jaemin shoots back and it takes Mark by surprise, a silence stretching on within the bedroom. Jaemin sighs at his friend's silence.

"You know me as well as they do. I won't be able to recover if that happens, Mark. I won't be able to pretend like everything is okay when I know that nothing between Jeno and I will ever changes, even with my feelings in the way. I won't be able to keep being his friend." He continues after a while.

"I'm fine with the way things are. I'm sure this is just a little crush like the ones I've had before. It'll go with time." He tries to convince, but whom he is trying to convince, he isn't so sure himself.

"Little crush my ass. You've been  _crushing_  on him for two years now. You think it's gonna go away just like that?" Mark retorts.

"It'll have to. Besides, what are you here for if not to help your best friend out, right?" Jaemin answers with a sly grin instead.

"What?" Mark shakes his head, looks confused for a while.

"I think it's about time I look for a new crush, don't you think so?" Jaemin suggests.

"Wait, you mean—"

"Yeah, Renjun seems like a nice guy." He interrupts, blinks his eyes hopeful.

"You like Renjun?" His friend asks, eyebrows connecting as he frowns at the other.

"Not yet, but I might be if we start hanging out." 

"And you aim for all the cute guys, huh." And Jaemin grins devilishly as he winks.

"Only the best for Na Jaemin."

 

˚˚˚˚˚˚˚

 

"Where's Nana?" Jeno asks as he puts down his bag, taking his usual seat. Donghyuck just rolls his eyes as he shrugs his shoulders off.

"Same ol' same ol'." Donghyuck says, obviously annoyed at something.

"Oh, Renjun?" Jeno asks, just to clarify.

"Yeah, what else would it be? That dickhead actually dares to dump my ass for that guy, that ungrateful prick. I'll have to pound some reality check on him soon." Donghyuck comments, grits his teeth too.

"What reality check?"Jaemin interrupts out of the sudden.

"Oh, there he is. I thought he's forgotten all about us now." Donghyuck jabs but Jaemin's oblivious, doesn't exactly notice the sarcasm dripping from the words.

"Why would I forget about you guys?" He questions back.

"I don't know. Oh, Mark, do you happen to know? Cuz I definitely don't." Donghyuck says, spitting venom.

"Hyuck, come on." Mark says, pulling on his elbow while Donghyuck just snaps his arm away and pretend that he's busy. Jaemin blinks his eyes confused just as he takes his seat, leaning in towards Jeno as he asks.

"What's gotten into his head?" Jaemin whispers, a concerning frown on his face then.

"Nothing. He'll be fine later. Just some mood swing maybe." Jeno answers and smiles. "By the way, Nana. Mark, Donghyuck and I are planning to swing by the karaoke after class. You up for it?" He continues when he remembers their plan.

"Oh, um, sorry, guys. Uh, I already make some plans with Renjun."

"Oh."

"Yeah, yeah. Same reason every time. Why don't you just go over there and dump us all anyway? Why bother coming over here if you don't even care?"

"Hyuck, what are you talking about?"

"Hyuck, calm down. Look, Nana, can't you make some time for us today? Please?" Mark pleads.

"But I really can't. I promised Renjun first."

Donghyuck stands up suddenly just as he slams his hands unto the table. 

"You know what? I don't even know why you're ditching us like this."

"I'm not ditching anyone! I really just—"

"Yeah? You might wanna think about that again because I'm so done putting up with you. Whatever, we can just go without you. We've been doing that for months now anyway. One more day wouldn't hurt, right." With that said, Donghyuck grabs his bag and storms out of class.

"Wait, Hyuck!" Mark shouts as he grabs his own and follow the other.

"What's with him? I don't under—" Jaemin doesn't get to finish his words when he sees Jeno's disappointed look and Jaemin hates that look, so much. Jeno shakes his head as he too grabs his bag and makes to leave, though not before he gives Jaemin a few words that leave a very heavy, bitter feeling in his chest.

"You wouldn't be saying that if you actually remember what day it is today."

"What day—"

"Happy birthday, Jaemin."

_Oh. Oh shit._

 

˚˚˚˚˚˚˚

 

 

_"Happy birthday, Nana!" They shouted altogether, popping firecrackers as they smeared some whipped cream all over Jaemin's face. The latter could only laughed and screamed, arms hovering over his face just to avoid the oncoming assaults of sweet creams, enjoying the moments._

_"Okay, that's it! You guys are soooo getting it this time!" Jaemin shouted as he grabbed the whole cake from the table and began running around to smash it to any unlucky face that he could reach first— Mark Lee was just unlucky, as usual._

_"Yah, we just wiped some cream on you! Not the whole cake, you moron!" Mark groaned as he tried to clean some of the sponge cakes off of his face._

_"Yeah, but don't tell me you don't like it. I know cakes are your favorite. You should be thankful you get the whole cake to yourself now. No one wants to eat that now that it's been in contact with you. ewww."_

_"Oh, that's true too. Thanks, Nana. Love you too." Jaemin just rolled his eyes at the other before he picks up a piece of chicken._

_"That was fun. We have to do this again next time." Jeno said as he laid back, licking the sauce off his fingers one by one, his stomach fully satiated._

_"We totally should! So the next birthday would be Mark's, right?"_

_"Yep, mine was months ago." Jeno continued._

_"How about yours, Hyuck? When is yours?"_

_"I, err, I don't have a specific date."_

_"What do you mean? Everybody has a birthdate."_

_"Not me. Um, I'm an orphan. My parents left me at the orphanage when I was 1 year old without any information so the staffs don't really know my name nor my origin. The orphanage named me and told me it was a snowy day when we first met. So we've been celebrating my birthdays on any first snow day."_

_"Oh." was all they could say then. They were young and there were no words that they know that could've helped with the painful memories. So Jaemin did whatever a young boy could do then. He decided._

_"Okay. I decide that you Lee Donghyuck, is going to share my birthdate! So mark today's date in your memory, Hyuck! We're celebrating your birthday together with mine from now on!"_

_"But—"_

_"No buts! So now you and I are twins! Twins stick together forever!"_

_"O-okay." He nodded albeit still a little hesitant. The rest of them pulled up an even wider grin then, taking that very same tattered cake as they ready for an attack._

_"Happy birthday, Hyuck!" They shouted altogether and Jeno smashed the cake into his face._

_"Yah! There were Mark's snots on this cake and it got on my face! Ewwww!"_

 

˚˚˚˚˚˚˚

 

Jaemin knows he fucked up this time. There is no denying it now, not when he knows how much Donghyuck actually treasures their birthdays together. It's been a few years since they have been celebrating them together, never missed doing so no matter what. Because it's their promise and Jaemin really hates anyone who breaks promises. 

And right now, there is no other person that he hates more than he hates himself.

He tries calling both Mark's and Donghyuck's phone but none of them even bother to pick up. But it makes sense. Why would they when Jaemin fucks up this badly? He knows he can always try calling Jeno's phone, but he's been trying to avoid doing so for the past few months and has only barely succeeded with it last month. He doesn't dare to start it again now that they've managed to survive without any text messages and random phone calls. 

But he knows he can't avoid this any longer. He has to do something.

"Hello?" He hears Jeno's voice from the other side. Oh, how much he misses listening to that voice like this.

"Jaemin?"

"Y-yeah. Um, Jeno, I—"

"We're at the usual rooftop if that's what you're asking."

"Oh, why didn't I think of that? Shit, sorry. I'll be there soon."

"Yeah. See you, Jaemin."

He still listens even as Jeno disconnects the call. It’s probably just his pessimistic feeling but Jaemin thinks that there's something wrong with their brief phone call just now. It's almost as if that phone call wasn't supposed to go that way, like it was different than usual. He just couldn't quite put a name to it.

But he shakes his head immediately.  _Focus, Na Jaemin._  He thinks just as he begins running for their usual place.

It takes quite a while before he reaches it. And when he swings the door to the rooftop open, the sight that greets him is almost too heartbreaking. Seeing that Donghyuck is gobbling up the whole cake with tears and snots running down his face and Mark just watching and letting him do as he pleases. It isn't supposed to go this way.

His effort to forget the little crush he has on his best friend is chipping their friendships away and that is ultimately what he's been trying to avoid when he starts all this distorted plan of getting a new crush.

"Hyuck." Jaemin calls, chest breathing heavily as he approaches his three friends.

"What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be with Renjun now?" Hyuck manages to spew some despite his full mouth.

"I cancelled. This is more important." Jaemin answers, determined to make things right again.

"Oh, really? I don't know. We just don't seem important to you anymore for these past few months though." Donghyuck shoots, Mark and Jeno barely exchanges a few glances as they watch the duo argues.

"Look, I'm sorry. I know I've been a dickhead. I don't have any excuse. But I wasn't trying to discard any of you when I start hanging out with Renjun. I, I just, uh, I like him. So I was trying to, you know, get close to him. But I swear I wasn't trying to ignore you guys." He tries to explain.

"So does getting to know someone means you can ignore your friends?" Donghyuck retorts, digging a spoon into the cake as he glares at his friend.

 

"I know and I'm sorry. I'm sorry I forget about our birthdays. I'm really sorry, Hyuck." Jaemin says, hope his apology reaches the other, a look of guilt already making its way unto his feature. Donghyuck probably sees the sincerity, can probably feels that the other means every single word that he had said so he just heaves a sigh out, putting the spoon down.

"Fine. I forgive you but that doesn't mean I'll forget." Donghyuck warns, a small smile curling on his lips. Jaemin's own immediately stretches further, a wide familiar grin making its way.

"Sure, got it." He says merrily.

"You'll have to make up for everything from now on, Nana." Donghyuck adds, still watching the other cautiously and Jaemin readily nods his head. 

"Yes, yes. Anything for your highness' forgiveness." He replies, drawing a small laughter when Donghyuck pretends to smack the spoon unto Jaemin's head.

"Good. Now come eat this cake with me. Happy birthday, Nana." The other wishes, finally smiling wide and sincere.

"Happy birthday to you too, Hyuck." Jaemin responds, stealing the spoon out of Donghyuck's hand before feeding himself.

"Finally, happy birthday to both of you." Mark wishes, flashes a relieved grin as he takes a bite.

"Happy birthday, Hyuck, Jaemin." Jeno says afterwards, and oh.  _Jaemin._  Jeno calls him Jaemin. When was the last time Jeno ever calls him that? Oh, it was the day when they first met. Years and years ago. So why is Jeno calling him that again? Where's the Nana? Why Jaemin? Why does it hurts so much? Why now?

 

˚˚˚˚˚˚˚

 

"Hey, guys." Jaemin greets the table, Renjun following suit from behind. The three of them raise their heads simultaneously and Jaemin would've seen the way their looks change if he hasn't turned around to make sure that Renjun is following him.

"Mind if Renjun joins our lunch today?" Jaemin asks, looking a little hopeful that they would agree. Mark steals a look at both Jeno and Donghyuck before he gives the go.

"Sure, why not." He answers for them, dreading the awkwardness that's coming.

"Yeah yeah, take a seat." Donghyuck adds afterward, swinging the pencil in his hand as he motions for the empty seats.  Renjun smiles and thank them before he seats himself beside Jaemin.

"Hey, Renjun. Nice to finally meet you. Nana doesn't talk a lot about you. Keeping you to himself I see." Donghyuck finally says with a smirk, trying to break the palpable silence when he realises that no one is going to say anything. Especially not when Mark is looking at him cluelessly and Jeno simple keeps his focus on the book in front of him. Fortunately Renjun just laughs it off, shaking his head as he makes himself comfortable.

"And Jaemin keeps talking about you guys, it almost feels like I already know you guys personally." He tells them, their ears' perking as they watch the way Jaemin panics. 

"What, what did he say? I sure hope he only talks about all the good points, like how good-looking and smart I am." Donghyuck replies, eyebrows wriggling as he emphasises his face with his hands.

"Well, for once, Jaemin—"

"Wait, Renjunnie—"

"—says that he doesn't get you sometimes. He said your mind is a wonder to the world and he wants to sacrifice you to a lab so they can crack your head and find out whats's going on in that head of yours." Renjun continues, simply dismisses Jaemin's flailing arms as he smirks at the latter, liking the way Donghyuck glares at the other.

"What the hell? Yah, Nana! What sorts of stories are you telling him? I'm perfectly normal and sane!" Donghyuck retorts just as Mark laughs out loud.

"And he also says that you are too boring," Renjun continues as he shifts his eyes towards Mark. "He wonders why so many girls are lining up for you when you can't even look at a girl in the eye. Jaemin thinks that you are overrated." He says with an even wider grin when Jaemin's eyes widen, mouth ready to spew denials.

"Nana, you—" Mark wants to retort too but couldn't when Renjun is already looking Jeno's way, an even more devilish grin makes its way unto his gentle-looking face. Jeno blinks at him curiously.

"And, Jaemin says that you have the prett— mphhh," Renjun doesn't get to finish his words though when Jaemin immediately presses a palm to silence the older man's mouth. Jeno raises an eyebrow as he watches Jaemin and Renjun having a telepathic argument with their eyes.

"Okay, Renjunnie, that's enough of backstabbing from you. I trusted you." Jaemin grits the words out, glaring but Renjun simply shrugs the comment off.

"And we trusted you too! How dare you talk about us badly behind our backs!" Donghyuck shouts, almost charges at Jaemin, albeit with a playful wide grin on his lips when Jeno suddenly stands up. It catches everyone's attention when the chair scrapes a little against the floor.

"Hey, I'm going to head on first, okay? Later?" Jeno says, sends an out-of-place smile their way as he packs his things.

"Okay, see ya later." Mark nods and wave, all of them just watch as Jeno's back disappear from their sight.

"Oh shoot, I think I gotta leave too. I promised Chenle I'd teach him math. See you guys." Renjun says in a hurry after he checks the time, grabbing his bag before he dashes off. 

 

"Okay, bye, Renjunnie!" Jaemin waves loudly before he turns back towards his friends.

"So where is Jeno going? We don't have class until in another hour, right?" He finally asks.

"Oh, um, he's been disappearing here and there sometimes. He probably has something to do? I dunno. He's not talking much lately." Mark says with a shrug of his shoulders.

"What do you mean he's not talking much? Jeno always talks too much, although it's always about boring stuffs." Jaemin elaborates with a small chuckle, reminiscing how they've been calling Jeno as No Jam because he always kills the mood.

"Well, not lately. We noticed that he's a little off recently. We thought you might know something cuz you know, you guys are closer than we do with him." Mark tells.

"Um, actually that's not really." Jaemin says, winces when Mark and Donghyuck immediately flicks their heads towards him. Jaemin is almost worried that they might sprain their necks if they do it that fast.

"What do you mean?" Donghyuck asks this time and unexpectedly, Jaemin feels a surge of guilt fleeting through him when he's about to answer the question.

"I mean, I haven't talk to him at all for the past month so." He says and both of his friends crease their foreheads at that.

"Wait, at all?" Donghyuck clarifies and Jaemin hesitantly nods his head.

"Yeah, the only things we've said to each other was when we celebrated our birthdays." 

"Jaemin, that was more than a week ago." Mark comments instead and Jaemin can only sigh.

"I know." He mutters.

"Did you guys fight?" Donghyuck asks.

"No, not really."

"Look, I don't know what's going on with you two and we don't want to interfere. But talk to him, Nana. He needs it." Donghyuck adds, looking over Mark worriedly before he shifts his gaze back at Jaemin.

"What? What's wrong?" The latter questions, noticing the way Mark and Donghyuck have been glancing at each other rather oddly.

"We thought you knew." Mark says after a brief silence.

"Knew what?" Jaemin knots his eyebrows together and Mark bites unto his lower lip, debating if he should say or not.

"His dad came back, Nana." He decides to tell the news anyway and Jaemin finds his own blood boils at the unexpected and unwelcome news. He grits his teeth and hardens his muscles in reflex.

"When?" He asks through his gritted teeth.

"Last week."

"Did anything happen?" Mark frowns and sigh.

"We really thought you knew but I guess he hasn't told you anything."

"What? What happened?"

"Jeno, he took a beating." 

"He what?! But he looks okay. I didn't see any bruises or cuts. And he would've told me if—"

"Nana, you know them better than any of us. You should know."

"He hit Jeno where it couldn't be seen, didn't he?" Jaemin asks back and the silence Mark and Donghyuck are giving him is enough of a confirmation for him.

"Fuck that old man. I'm leaving." 

 

˚˚˚˚˚˚˚

 

"Jaemin? What are you doing here?" Jeno asks, eyes wide in surprise as soon as he sees Jaemin in front of his house.

"I'm waiting for you. You and I need to talk." Jaemin answers, unwavering and Jeno raises his brows just as he steps closer, unlocking the door to his house.

"What about?" He replies, glancing curiously at Jaemin's serious look.

"A serious talk, Jeno. Let's go to your room." The younger answers, stepping inside without even asking for permission. Jeno just looks on a little before he just heaves out an amused puff of air and follow.

"So? Why are you here?" Jeno questions as soon as he closes the door to his room, locks it too just in case.

"Why didn't you tell me that your dad came back?" Jaemin asks instead of answering, sitting down unto Jeno's bed as if it was his own.

"It's not important." The taller male replies and Jaemin has to pout at that.

"But it is! He hurt you!" He says, almost shouts actually.

"Not more than what I was used to. Chill, Jaemin. I can take it." 

"But—" Jaemin wants to argue, but Jeno isn't letting him when he interrupts instead.

"Look, it's none of your business anyway, Jaemin. So just drop it." The tone of his voice is cold. It's almost as if the Jeno from back then has returned: the Jeno Jaemin wishes never existed, the Jeno whom was abused, alone and closed off.

"I'm your best friend! Of course it's my business! I don't like seeing you hurt!" Jaemin shouts, shoots up from the bed out of reflex. But Jeno isn't taken aback. Instead, he turns around to face the other and raise a brow. 

"Oh, are we still?" He counters and oh, it hurts. 

"What, why are you saying that? We are. We're best friends." Jaemin says, his voice shaking as he takes a step closer. Jeno sighs out loud as he rubs a palm over his face, his complexion duller and paler than usual.

"Look, Jaemin. I'm exhausted. Can we not do this talk now?" Jeno asks weakly as he looks at Jaemin. And the latter just wants to close their distance so bad so he can just let his friend rest against him, wraps his arms around him so Jeno can relax. But, 

"Jeno, I—"

"Lee Jeno!" A rasp voice booms suddenly, followed with loud, harsh bangs against the door of his room.

BANG BANG BANG!

"W-who?" Jaemin stutters, a cold shiver running down his spine as he hears the same voice screaming for Jeno's name again.

"Shit. Jaemin, you have to hide." Jeno says, eyes flitting about as he looks for a decent hide. Jaemin frowns.

"What are you—"

"Now, Jaemin! Hide in that closet!" Jeno harshly whispers as he grabs the other's hand roughly and push him into the narrow space.

"Je—" 

"Shh, keep quiet." Jeno shuts him up, whispers a ' _you'll be okay'_  before he closes the door tight.

"Lee Jeno, open this door! I know you're in there! Open now!" That voice shouts again, so loud and thunderous that Jaemin thinks the house may have shaken from its sheer force. 

"What do you want, old man?" Jaemin hears Jeno says more than he sees it, a small gap in between allowing only limited vision now that he's hidden.

"That is not the way you talk to your father." That same voice says, sounds a little closer now as his father walks in. Jaemin cranes his neck to see and he remembers now, remembers that face so well now that he sees him again. He's the very man who would hurt his own family for whatever sick reasons he has. He smells like trouble and despair.

"But I don't have one, so." He hears Jeno counters and Jaemin can't help but feel his heart almost short-circuiting the moment he sees Jeno's father raises his arm high.

"You ungrateful son of a—"

"What? You gonna hit me again? That's all you ever do, right? Go on. Hit me." Jeno taunts, fear an emotion that seems far from how he looks from his view. But Jaemin, he's scared; his body shakes and his chest hammers rigorously as he watches Jeno's dad curves a wicked smile. It scares Jaemin so much, but the fear is not for himself. He just dreads of what is coming for his dear friend because he knows that smile can only mean one thing. And Jaemin has to do something  _now_.  _Mark_. Yes, he should text Mark. Mark would know what to do. He should warn him.

"Acting tough now, do we? Well, that's good. You think I'm gonna hurt you again this time? Oh I know you, Jeno. I know you're already used to getting hit. But what about your brother?" The words that left his father's mouth inadvertently sends an eerie chill into the room. Jaemin can feel the tense silence as Jeno lets the words properly sink.

"J-jihoon is not home. You can't hurt him." Jeno says, though he doesn't sound very convincing.

"Oh but he is. You just don't know that he's been hiding because he knows I'm here." The older man taunts just as he leaves the room.

"What are you—"

"No! Let me go!" They hear the frantic, young voice screams and Jaemin can't even begin to imagine what Jeno might be feeling when they both see his father drags Jihoon back into his room.

"Jihoon!" Jeno calls out, eyes wide and face paling.

"Hyung!" The other returns, trying to pull away from their father's iron grip and his own face morphing into pure fear.

"Our Jihoonie thinks he'll be safe if he hides in the toilet. Not so smart now, huh Jihoon?" His fathers taunts as he drags the younger further and further into the room.

"Stop! What are you doing?! Let him go!" Jeno yells, tries to take a step forward but doesn't dare to move further when their father immediately lands a stinging slap unto Jihoon's cheek.

"Hyung!" Jihoon cries, tears already flooding down as he struggles to free himself. Jaemin knows he really has to do something when he sees the man starts undoing his belt, ready to slice it through the air. He knows he has to do something when the man is just right in front of him. He just have to swing open the closet's door and he can hurt him. But how? Jaemin's weak and he's small. Jeno's father would fend him off as easy as swatting a mere fly. He needs something.

So Jaemin looks around hastily, looks for something, just anything that he can use as a weapon. He looks to his left when he finally sees it. The perfect weapon.

"Dad, stop! Stop! Don't hurt him! Just hit me! Don't hurt Jihoon! Don't hurt him! He's my brother! Hit me instead! Hit me!" Jeno screams, begs as he kneels, almost crawling in tears when he sees the way their father pulls on Jihoon's hair harshly.

"Hyung!" Jihoon screams again, shaking his head desperately when he sees the belt winding around the father's hand.

"I would hit you, but then what's the fun in it when I know you can withstand it? But Jihoon here instead, he's so young and so weak. He's never been hit before, hasn't he? Maybe he should learn now, he should know what you've been through too, shouldn't he?" Their father says, sickeningly and Jaemin almost wants to throw up when he hears the male continue.

"Ready?"

"Stop! Dad! Please stop! Don't hurt him! Just not him!" He hears Jeno yells and Jaemin knows he shouldn’t wait anymore.

"Not any of them!" Jaemin screams as he charges out of the closet and towards the old man, swinging the bat down with all the strength he has. It takes everyone by surprise when they see it, silence stretching on and on when they realise what has happened. Jeno's father is laid still on the floor, blood slowly slithering down his head and staining the carpet as they let the sight slowly sinks in.

"Jaemin, what—" Jeno starts but doesn't get to finish when Jaemin takes a step back, his own eyes shrouded with fear and guilt as tears begin to pool.

"I- I had to. He, he was going to hurt both of you. I, I had to. Jeno, I'm sorry, I'm really sorr—" 

"Hey, Jaemin, Jaemin. Calm down." Jeno says, forces his weakened legs to close their distance, knows that Jaemin is close to breaking down now. Jaemin shakes his head and takes a step back.

"I killed him. Jeno, I killed him. I killed your dad. I—" Jaemin drops the bat down and takes another staggering step back, couldn't quite believe what he's done as his eyes fleet towards the figure on the floor. Jeno quickly surges forward, arms wrapping tightly around Jaemin as he presses the younger's face into the nook of his neck. And Jaemin's own hands immediately cling unto Jeno before his legs can give away. 

Jaemin starts sobbing against him.

"Jeno, I killed him. I killed your dad. I—" He cries, hiccuping and sobbing as his fingers cling even tighter.

"Shhh, Jaemin. You didn't kill anyone. You didn't." Jeno shushes him, rocks his body gently as he tries to soothe the younger.

"But I—" 

"You didn't kill him, Jaemin. He's still breathing. You just knocked him out." Jeno stops the other before he can finish his words. "Trust me, Jaemin. You didn't kill him." He tries to convince, voice determined and sure. Jaemin is still hiccuping, but the sobbing lessen as he murmurs against Jeno's neck.

"I didn't, didn't kill him?" He asks in between his hiccups.

"No, you didn't, Jaemin. You're okay. He's okay. And we're okay. You saved us, Jaemin. You saved us." Jeno softly whispers, hand gently caressing Jaemin's head.

"I did?" The latter finally looks up, eyes puffy and swollen and cheeks traced with the remnant tears.

"Yes, yes you did. You saved us, so calm down." Jeno answers, pulls up a small smile just to show the other that he's fine.

"I didn't kill anyone?" Jaemin asks again, innocent and hopeful. Jeno nods.

"Yes."

"I really saved you?" Jeno nods again, a few times just to encourage the other.

"Yes." He answers.

"I—" Jaemin suddenly hiccups, lips trembling as tears unexpectedly make their way out again. "I saved you." He says more to himself and bawl again, crying his heart out as relief floods his system. Jeno smiles pleasantly at that before he cradles Jaemin's head into his hand and pull the other back into his warm embrace, let the smaller male cries all he wants too.

"I saved you.” He feels more than hear the younger says.

"Yeah, you saved me, Nana. Thank you."

 

˚˚˚˚˚˚˚

 

"How are you feeling, Jeno?" Mark asks the day when he finally returns to college, a week after that. He looks honestly concerned and Jeno smiles to him in return, albeit a little weak.

"I'm getting by." He answers genuinely. Mark smiles back and let himself sit in front of the other.

"How's your brother? And your mom?" Jeno sighs despite the smile.

"They're fine. They went back to our hometown, staying there until Jihoon feels better about returning here." Mark just nods his head, understands and doesn't particularly want to press further.

"And Nana?" At Mark's question, Jeno can't help but let his lips curl upward, resembling a crooked smile that he is trying to suppress.

"He's as okay as he can be. He's been clinging to me ever since. He won't ever let me out of sight and it's a bit worrying to be honest." Jeno replies, pretends to be annoyed but adorably failing when his smile blows up into a wide, appeased grin. Mark just rolls his eyes and chuckle amusedly.

"Yeah yeah, worrying. Right." He says, laughs a little as he allows a brief interlude. 

"And? What about your dad? Any news?" Mark finally enquires in the end, the very question he's been dying to ask since he received a text from Jaemin saying  _< Thanks. Will talk to you soon. Not going to school for a while>_. A very vague message if Mark is to be honest.

"Rotting in jail, for five years I think." Jeno answers simply, curls a bitter smile as he speaks. Mark grips unto his shoulder as he sends a comforting squeeze his way.

"Thanks, Mark. If it weren't for you, we wouldn't know what to do then." Jeno thanks the other and Mark only shakes his head.

"I just called the police, Jeno. Jaemin was the one doing all the work. He texted me in the middle of nowhere and his text was so hectic, I kinda guessed what's happening. Luckily I guessed right, or else, I'll be the one in that freaking jail for prank-calling the police."

Jeno laughs out loud, his eyes crinkling into crescents as he squeezes Mark's shoulder in return.

"Yeah, and I'll have the sweetest time visiting you there, man."

"You little shit—"

 

˚˚˚˚˚˚˚

 

"Yah! I told you to wait for me!" Jaemin shouts, complains as he comes to stop in front of his friend. Jeno just grins his way out as he pulls the younger to walk with him, watches the way Jaemin pulls up an adorable pout at Jeno's nonchalant attitude.

"You're just too slow, Nana." The latter shrugs his shoulders, laughing when Jaemin shoves at his arm playfully.

"I am fast and nimble, thank you very much." Jaemin juts his tongue out at him before he continues. "I was just talking to Renjun. He has too many questions about my absence. Ugh, that guy can be annoying sometimes." Jaemin tells, only meaning to complain to his best friend a little so he doesn’t exactly notice the way Jeno's smile loses its shine.

"You know you can just hang out with him as usual, right? You don't have to do this anymore." Jeno comments, not looking at the younger. Jaemin wrinkles his forehead into a frown as he turns to his friend, those words pricking Jaemin's heart worse than he thought they might. But he decides to let the painful comment go and play it off as he jokes.

"Just say you like my attention though. I know you do." Jaemin quips with an awkward laugh, nudging his friend's waist as he does so.

"Maybe, but I know you miss him. And it's been almost two weeks now. My dad's in jail so he can't hurt me anymore. You can relax, Nana." Jeno responds.

"But—"  _I miss you more._  Jaemin wants to say, wants to tell his best friend. Months of distance make his heart grew lonely and he misses those days when both of them will just hang out, text or calls and they wouldn't have to ask why to do so. Jaemin knows it was his fault. He was the one who put those distance in the first place and he thought he's closing them back now that they've gone back to hanging out.

But why does it feel like Jeno is trying to put back that distance to where it should belong?

"It doesn't matter. I can just talk to him whenever I want to. He doesn't mind." Jaemin tells the older male.

"But—" Jeno probably wants to argue more but the younger is not having it when he just shushes the other quiet.

"No buts anymore. I'm going first. Wait for my dance practice and we'll go home together, okay?" Jaemin reminds him. Jeno blinks, slightly taken aback before he gives a hesitant nod.

"I- okay, sure." Jeno smiles and Jaemin grins wider.

"Great. Bye, Jeno! Don't miss me so much! See you later!" The latter shouts, waving actively as he half-jogs and Jeno shoos the other with an entertained smile.

"Practice hard, Nana." Jaemin hears Jeno yells back and Jaemin's heart swells so much from happiness. Except, the swell of his heart doesn't last very long when an hour later, he receives a text.

 

_< Nana, I'm heading home first. Sorry, see you tmr.  >_

 

˚˚˚˚˚˚˚

 

"Nana, we need to talk." Donghyuck says out of nowhere as soon as Jaemin opens the door to his room. Jaemin quirks an eyebrow at the other's sudden appearance, almost wanted to make a joke out of it when he notices Donghyuck's uptight face, as if he's keeping five days worth of shits.

"Hey, Hyuck." Jaemin greets a little nervously as he swings the door open and let his friend come in.

"So, what's up?" He asks as soon as they both settle down unto Jaemin's bed, eager to break the unsettling silence within the room.

"So what's going on between you and Jeno?" Donghyuck fires his unfiltered thought and Jaemin feels his heart skips a beat or two at his friend's forward attitude.

"Straight to the point, huh." He points out, sighs heavily too as he leans back tiredly against the wall.

"To be honest, Hyuck? I really don't know anymore." Jaemin answers honestly before he feels the bed shift.

"Then, tell me from the start. I'm your twin, I want to know everything." The other demands. Jaemin allows himself a few moments of silence to debate whether he should disclose everything or not and decide that he will have to, sooner or later. So he might as well just confess everything now.

"I don't think you know, Hyuck but I, uh, I like  _like_  Jeno." Jaemin thinks that may be a good start to the whole story, even expecting Donghyuck to freak out a little because hey, it's Lee freaking No Jam Jeno. Their best friend, the school's gentle prince. It surprises Jaemin when Donghyuck doesn't even bat his eyelashes, looks a little fed up if he might even say so.

"Uh, I think that's a given fact already, no?"

"What do you mean? I had never ever told anyone!" Jaemin is borderline screaming into his friend's ears then before he calms down and softly mumble. "Well, except maybe Mark because that guy tricked me into telling him. Sneaky bastard."

"If you haven't noticed, you weren't exactly being subtle about it. We can sort of guess." Donghyuck tells generously and Jaemin immediately pales when he gets what his friend meant.

"Shit. You don't think Jeno noticed and that's why he's being like this, do you?" 

"That depends on the rest of the story that you haven't told me yet. So spit the juicy stuffs out now." Donghyuck evades the question and stares at the other, pressuring. Jaemin lets out a long breath before he crosses his legs and face the other.

"I've liked him for two years and a half now. And it's getting borderline dangerous because I'm starting to lose control over my own feeling." Jaemin tells.

"Like when you got jealous with Lami?" Jaemin blushes, avoids Donghyuck's knowing look as he nods. 

"Um, yeah, sort of like that. So I talked to Mark about it once because he's being annoyingly persistent about wanting me to confess. But i thought better. I really can't do that 'cause I know it'll damage our friendship. I like Jeno so much that I don't dare to. And—" Jaemin hesitates, knows what he's going to say may sound a lot more stupid than he originally thought, retrospectively thinking.

"And?" Donghyuck prompts, waiting.

"Um, I have this theory, where I think I'll move on if only I have a new crush. And so, comes Renjun." Jaemin says in a tiny, tiny voice, sneaking a glance at Donghyuck's done look.

"Oh, wow, I know you're stupid, Nana but not  _this_ stupid." The latter shakes his head. "And? Is it working?" Jaemin presses his lips together as he dares a look at his twin friend.

"I mean, I like talking to Renjun. He's nice, good-looking, smart and very gentlemanly. Who wouldn't fall for him?" 

"But did you?" Donghyuck enquires, wants a straight answer rather than a vague and evasive one.

Jaemin just shakes his head and sighs dejectedly.

"Who am I kidding, Hyuck? Jeno, Jeno is just, he's just irreplaceable. But Renjun did confess to me a while ago." Jaemin generously continues the story and find satisfaction when Donghyuck finally shows a different look other than a fed up one.

"Shit, he likes you back??" His friend asks, eyes growing as large as a saucer pan and Jaemin nods.

"But he doesn't want anything from me. Because he knows." Jaemin chuckles, sounds a little guilty actually. "He said I talk about Jeno too much. Jeno this, Jeno that. There wasn't a single day when I didn't mention his name and he said he can already guess from that." 

"See? Told ya. Not so subtle." Jaemin hates how Donghyuck likes to rub salt unto his wounded pride.

"I guess I am an idiot." Jaemin looks down, feels bad for being an oblivious idiot.

"And there's another idiot, so don't feel so bad." He hears Donghyuck says but doesn't quite catch everything.

"What?"

"Anyway, back to answering your previous question. You think Jeno's like this because he noticed your feelings, right?" Donghyuck avoids the question, succesfully so when Jaemin nods with eager. "I don't really think so." 

"If not, then why? He's been ignoring my texts, bailing out when I told him to wait for me. I know I started this but I'm trying to fix it. He just won't let me." 

"Remember when I threw that tantrum on our birthdays?" Jaemin nods again. "You know, I talked to him about it. I told him how sad I was, how much I miss you. You know what he said? He told me that you'll come around. That you must have a reason and that I should wait. Do you know how he looked at that time? I thought he looked like he was trying to convince himself more than me, you know."

"Nana, I was sad when you started hanging out less with us. But I've known you for like, what, four years now? But Jeno, he's known you longer, ever since you were little. If I was sad, how do you think he would feel? He's so attached to you so he probably doesn't know what to feel when you started ignoring him."

Jaemin listens intensely and has nothing to refute when it actually perfectly makes sense.

"Look, that doesn't matter. What's happened, happens. Just, just talk it out with him."

"Yeah, I'll think about it. Thanks, Hyuck."

"And seriously, Nana. Confess. Or you'll regret it."

 

˚˚˚˚˚˚˚

 

"Hyuck, you done with your assignment?" Mark asks Thursday evening as they gather around at their usual rooftop. Mark eyes the other male and click his tongue when Donghyuck just grins guiltily.

"Uh, some." He replies.

"And how much is some?" Mark raises an eyebrow at the other and Donghyuck ducks his head behind Jeno.

"Er, about 300 words?" Mark coughs out loud as he glares at the other.

"Yah, that's not some! You have 1000 more to go! You lazy ass!" He scolds, smacking Donghyuck's head with little force while the latter just cutely brushes him off with a disgusting wink. Mark shakes his head before turning to the others.

"How about you guys?" He asks and Jaemin grins proudly.

"Believe it or not, I'm actually almost done! Jeno, you?" He asks as they all turn towards said male but Jeno barely responds when he just shrugs them off.

"Halfway through it." He says quietly and it surprises Jaemin.

"Oh, that's weird. You usually finish your assignment before me." The latter comments and Jeno doesn't even look up to reply.

"Yeah, I've been busy." Jaemin blinks his eyelashes and force a smile as he leans in.

"Hm? Busy with? Oh, is it with Lami? Is that the blossom of youth I'm smelling?" Jaemin wiggles his eyebrows playfully despite the prickly sensation that seems to grow more in his chest.

"Nah, I'm busy with practices. The performance is in two weeks and we're trying to practice as much as we can." Jeno answers, fingers dancing over the keyboard as he types in. The answer though leaves an unsettling feeling in his chest, especially when he sees the confused looks their other friends are sporting the moment Jaemin asks.

"What performance?"

"Yah, Jeno, you haven't told him yet?" Donghyuck frowns. With that, Jeno lifts his head up and widen his eyes, only seemingly realising his mistake now.

"Uh, shit. I forgot. Sorry, Nana. But yeah, I have a band competition coming up in two weeks." Jeno formally tells him and Jaemin hates this feeling. He hates it so so much when he feels that Jeno is slowly slipping away. Jaemin used to be the first one to know anything about the other, and now, he's apparently the last one to find out.

"I, oh wow. Um, that's great! Can I come and watch?" Jaemin asks, feels tears strangely threatening to come out when he thinks that it used to be so differently. Jaemin didn't have to ask to go anywhere Jeno is going. That's the kind of friendship they used to have.  _Used to have._  And Jaemin just wants to cry so badly but he has to hold them back. 

"You will?" He hears Jeno asks him back and Jaemin wants to retort a  _why did you even have to ask_  but he thinks better of it.

"Well, if I'm invited." He says, sounds a little too polite if Mark and Donghyuck can actually say so.

"Of course you are! We all are and we're coming with banners for you, young man!" Donghyuck smartly interrupts, realising the awkward tension that is hanging in the air. Jeno smiles yet still rolls his eyes at the other.

"Just please don't embarrass me." He warns.

"What? Why would we even do that? We're just going to  _cheer_." Donghyuck grins wickedly and wiggles his eyebrows.

"I sense bullshit."

"Well, you sense wrong, honey."

 

˚˚˚˚˚˚˚

 

"Where's Nana? The competition is about to start!" Donghyuck grits out, frowning as he taps their friend's number again.

"It's engaged." He tells the others with an even deeper frown, glaring at the poor gadget in his palm. Mark just looks on with a worried look.

"It's fine, Hyuck. Maybe he has something important coming up. It's enough that you both are here." Jeno says to them, smiles just to calm his friend down but the corners of his lips don't exactly curl as much as he hoped to.

"But what's more important than you?!" Donghyuck hisses, almost growls in anger as he tries calling again. He almost wanted to throw the phone away when he hears the same engaged tone from the other side.

"But Nana's not the type who would break his promises. Maybe something did happen?" Mark suggest, honestly looks a little worried now that he thinks more and more about their friend's odd disappearance.

"Yeah, that must be it—" Jeno wants to agree, but doesn't quite manage to do so when a friend of their school comes up to them.

"Hey, Jeno! How you feeling, bro? Nervous?" Minhyuk asks, patting Jeno's back as a brief greeting. The latter only smiles back and shake his head.

"Not really." He replies and the other immediately shoves his arm playfully.

"Damn you and your confidence." Minhyuk jokes, patting his arm a few times for an encouraging gesture. He then looks around a little as if he's looking for someone before he looks back at his friend.

"Oh, I see Jaemin's not here?" He comments and instantly, Jeno's smile falters.

"He's a bit busy." Still, he replies with a smile.

"What, can't spend some time for his best friend's important day?" Minhyuk says, his voice oddly taunting.

"I'm sure he has something urgent coming up." Mark replies, not liking the way Minhyuk is looking at the moment. The latter shrugs his shoulders and says offhandedly.

"Well, if you count seeing his boyfriend urgent, then sure." He flouts and strikes where it hurts.

"What do you mean?" Mark asks, eyebrows connecting into an uptight frown.

"I just saw him and Renjun outside our college just before I leave. Out on a date, maybe?" Minhyuk adds and Mark can't help but eyes Jeno soon after. 

"Jeno?"

"I have to go. My band is calling."

 

˚˚˚˚˚˚˚

 

"Shit! Did I miss it?" Jaemin says through his laboured breathing, swiftly filtering through the sea of people as he looks for the competition area.

He quickly swings the door open as soon as he sees the banner just above it, wishing that he can still make it. But the hall is already vacant when he steps inside, the only things remaining are the instruments and littered trashes everywhere. Not even a single soul is seen there. The competition ended.

"Fuck." He mutters, heart hammering heavily as he scans the area again. "Where are they? Did they leave?" He says more to himself as he starts wandering around, frowning and guilty. It's when he's about to step onto the vacated stage when Jaemin hears heavy footsteps along with a familiar shout.

"Hyuck! Stop!" He hears Mark, is about to turn around when he feels a harsh pull on his collar before it follows with a stinging punch against his jaw.

"Hyuck! Calm down!" Mark shouts again as he pulls said male back, arms hooking strongly around Donghyuck's body. Jaemin flinches in pain when he rubs a thumb over his split lips, tasting blood on his tongue as he stares cluelessly at Donghyuck and Mark, both evidently flushed in pure anger.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?!" Donghyuck screams, tries to struggle free from Mark's strong hold so he can just leap unto Jaemin again and beat him up.

"You just freaking have to do that on his important day?! Just when he needs you the most?! You can't leave that freaking little boyfriend of yours just for a few hours for your best fucking friend?!"

"What, Hyuck, wait, what happened? Jeno, did he—"

"He fucking lost the competition!" Donghyuck growls, is close to leap off of Mark's hold and jump against his friend again.

"But that's impossible! He's, Jeno's the best with his guitar! I know he is! He should've won!" Jaemin shouts back, couldn't quite accept the fact that his best friend had lost.

"And it's all your fault! If you had just been here, if you were—" Donghyuck doesn't quite get to finish his sentence when Mark interferes.

"Stop, Hyuck. Calm down. We don't know what happened yet. Let Nana talk." He says, always the rational one amongst them.

"So why didn't you come sooner, Nana? Were you with Renjun?" Mark asks calmly, although the tight look on his face says otherwise. Jaemin looks confused though, doesn't exactly understand why they even brought Renjun's name up now.

"Well, yeah, I was with him but,"

"See? I fucking knew it—"

"Shut the fuck up, Hyuck! Let him explain." Mark hisses, and it shuts Donghyuck up efficiently, it being the first time Mark has ever raised his voice at them.

"It's true that I was with him but it wasn't intentional. Renjun was almost hit by a car when I was leaving the college for the competition. I was just there by accident and saved him. He injured his ankle so I brought him to the hospital. And I rushed over here as soon as I can. I really don't mean to miss—"

"So why didn't you call? Or text us?" Mark interrupts, still dissatisfied at Jaemin's incomplete story.

"My phone was ran down by another car when I dropped it to save him. It's broken." Jaemin answers just as he fishes out his tattered phone from his back pocket. Mark sighs heavily and rubs his face.

"So it's a misunderstanding." Mark continues afterwards and Jaemin frowns, confused.

"What misunderstanding?"

"We thought you went out on a date with Renjun instead of coming here. We thought you forgot." Mark explains and Jaemin almost wants to scoff.

"Why would you think that? You know I would never break a promise I've made. I would never forget. You know that." He argues, glances back and forth between Mark and Donghyuck.

"I know and I'm sorry. It's just, Minhyuk told us that he saw you and Renjun together just outside the compound. And we just--"

"You just assumed I went on a date with him." Jaemin finishes his thought for him, a little disappointed that his friends actually doubted him even for a second.

"Yes." Mark doesn't hesitate to admit.

"But Jeno, did he believe that too?" Jaemin asks.

"We don't have much choices other than to believe that, do we?" Donghyuck fires back, obviously still mad at the whole situation.

"Where is he? What happened exactly?"

"He became a little off after he heard about you and Renjun. We talked to him but he wasn't listening. He was just, zoned out. And when it was their band's turn, he did a few mistakes and his guitar's strings snapped. Their performance had to continue without the bass. It would've gone differently if that didn't happen. They could've won." Mark generously explained and Jaemin feels the guilt growing, suffocating.

"Where did he go?"

 

˚˚˚˚˚˚˚

 

"Jeno." Jaemin calls out, chest heaving in and out from running all the way to the rooftop. Jeno turns around at the sound of his voice and Jaemin feels his heart break when he sees the way his friend look. He looks empty, his eyes dead and his smile fake.

"Oh, hey, Nana." Jeno greets him back, even smiles at him despite everything. Jaemin quietly approaches him, takes a seat beside him as he stares at the other intensely.

"Are you okay?" Jaemin asks. A stupid question if he could say, but he doesn't exactly know what else to say in this situation. Jeno smiles and look back ahead, gazing at the dark sky with its lonely moon hanging in it.

"So you've heard." His voice is cold as he says them and Jaemin finds his throat clogged up and his vision blurring as tears glisten his orbs.

"I'm s-sorry, Jeno." Jaemin sobs, and Jeno turns back to him, frowning when he sees the former trying to rub away his endless tears.

"Why would you be?" 

"I'm sorry I weren't there. I'm sorry I couldn't be there when you needed me. I'm sorry that it happened. I'm just so so sorry." He weeps, his small fists still trying to stop his broken teardam.

"Don't be. It's not your fault. I was just unfortunate. Always so unfortunate." Jeno shakes his head, pulls Jaemin's hands away before he cups the younger's face and thumb those tears away himself. Smiling when he sees how much the other is crying for him.

"Don't say that. It's still my fault. I should've been there. If I were there, I would've nagged you to check your instrument. I would've made sure that you were ready, help you calm down. I know you have jitters. You just don't show them to anyone. I should've been there. I'm your best friend. I really should've been there." Jaemin's voice trembles as he gazes back into Jeno's pained eyes.

"But you weren't. Where were you, Nana?" Jeno asks finally, a question Jaemin wishes the other would bring up.

"I know and I'm sorry. I was with Renjun." Jaemin says, sees the downcast of his friend's eyes before he quickly places his hands over Jeno's and squeeze them. "But I couldn't make it to your competition because I took him to the hospital. I rushed but I still couldn't make it. I'm really, really sorry, Jeno. I really wanted to be there." He quickly adds, the tears now slowing down. And Jaemin feels a little soft when he sees Jeno's worried look. 

"What's wrong with him? Was he hurt?" He asks and Jaemin smiles. Jeno, always the gentleman, still worrying about others when he himself is hurting.

"Only a sprain. He'll be fine. He was almost ran down by a car, I was just there at the right time. I'm sorry, Jeno. I really really am." Jaemin apologises again, sincerely so and Jeno nods, is never angry at the other in the first place.

"You really don't have to apologise, Nana. I understand." Jeno tells the younger but Jaemin pouts at it instead. "I do have to." He says with all his pouty lips glory.

"I'm sorry you lost the competition." He adds after a while.

"It's fine. It probably just means that music was not meant for me." Jeno tells looking resigned and Jaemin doesn't like that. So he makes it clear as he pulls Jeno's hands away from his face and grabs the other's instead, his gaze determined.

"Of course it's made for you! Music defines you. It's just made for you, Jeno. You can try again. You should even audition. Who knows maybe you'll be an idol in no time. Besides, you have the looks. I'm sure everyone will swoon over your pretty eye smile. Well, at least I know I do." Jaemin says in a rush and Jeno chuckles amusedly.

"Of course you would say that. You're my best friend. You're obligated to soothe my pain." Jeno says playfully, wants to lighten the mood a little. Jaemin wants to argue, wants to tell him that he doesn't have to be his best friend to say that but he doesn't get his chance to do so when Jeno grabs Jaemin's hand off his face and hold them in his gently.

"You know. I don't really mind that I lost the competition to be honest." He suddenly says, looking Jaemin's way.

"Then why are you up here all alone if you don't?" The latter questions, knows that there is something that Jeno needs to get off his chest.

"I just need some time alone to think." He replies and Jaemin prompts.

"About?" He asks.

"About my future." Jeno answers. "Without you." He adds before Jaemin can interrupt. The latter looks confused for a moment before he starts frowning again, scowling at the other.

"What are you talking about, Jeno? Why would--" Jaemin begins but fails to finish when he sees a tear trailing down Jeno's cheek.

"You know, when the guitar suddenly snapped on that stage, I really didn't know what to do or think, Nana. I just sat there and waited until it ended. I didn't even care that I know I've lost that competition. Did you know what I was thinking about at that time instead?" Jaemin shakes his head, waits for Jeno to continue when all he wants to do at that moment is to hold the other in his arms and wipe those tears off of his face so much,

"I was thinking of how hopeless I was without you. I couldn't do anything without you. I made simple mistakes just because I thought I've lost you." Jeno says while gazing into Jaemin's eyes, letting more tears caressing his cheeks.

"You didn't lose me, Jeno. I'm still here." Jaemin assures, scoots a little closer as he thumbs a tear off.

"For now. But what about the future? I really thought I could let you go, Nana. I was stupid enough to believe that I could survive without you, that I'll be able to watch you lead a happy life with Renjun. But I was stupid. I failed. That thing there on the stage? It just proved how much I needed you in my life, how much I wanted you to stay in my life."

"Jeno, what are you talking about? I'm not leaving you." Jaemin tries, doesn't like it when Jeno simply brushes his words off and shake his head.

"Maybe not now, but I know you will, Nana. But I don't want you to. Please Nana, don't leave me." Jeno finally cries, drops his head unto Jaemin's shoulder as he sobs against him. The younger male immediately wraps his arms around the other, fingers clinging desperately unto Jeno's back.

"Jeno, I'm not leaving you. Not ever. I couldn't even if I wanted to. I tried and it didn't work." Jaemin's voice trembles as he tries to explain, to assure the other.

"But Renjun—" Jeno says and Jaemin is borderline frustrated when the older male keeps ignoring his words.

"Why are you bringing his name up now?" Jaemin frowns.

"You like him, Nana. I would never compare to him." Jeno tells the other and the younger is seriously considering to groan now.

"Yes, I like him. But I  _love_  you, Jeno. He would never compare to you." Jaemin says, doesn't quite realise that he's said it until Jeno springs his head up and look at the younger as if he's grown a second head.

"What?" Jeno doesn't seem to register them, honestly just looks very confused that Jaemin just thinks,  _oh fuck it. Let’s just roll with it._

"I really wanted to keep it a secret, Jeno. I don't ever want you to find out because I don't want it to cost our friendship just because my feelings get in the way. But I love you. I have been for quite some time now. That's why I'm not leaving you. I tried before but it would never worked." He explains, already dreading Jeno to gently reject him and is taken aback when Jeno asks instead.

"Since when?"

"Uh, been two years and a half now?" Jaemin asks, a little baffled with the unexpected response. He's even more perplexed when Jeno just stares at him as if he couldn't quite believe him before he starts to laugh wholeheartedly.

"What? Why are you laughing?" Jaemin asks with a pout, doesn't quite appreciate the way Jeno is laughing at his confession.

"I can't believe this." Jeno says, to which Jaemin responds with a "fucking tell me. You're hurting my feelings now." Jeno just shakes his head as he looks Jaemin's way tenderly.

"I think I won this over you."

"Won what? I don't remember making a bet over my feelings for you, especially not _with you_." Jaemin glares, still madly confused. "You're really clueless, aren't you?" Jeno asks back instead, amused.

"Well, duh." Jeno smiles again, a smile that is just for him, one that is so wide and so beautiful that Jaemin even thinks that Jeno looks like he may be a little in love with him. Nah, impossi—

"I won because I've loved you for so long that I've actually lost track of time, Nana."

_Oh._

"Oh."

"Yes, _oh_." Jeno imitates, indulging himself as he pleasantly watches the way Jaemin's jaw slackens at the sudden confession.

"You're lying." Jaemin whispers, but he hears them all the same.

"When did I ever lie to you, Nana?" Jeno replies and it takes several blinks before Jaemin finally digests the reality of those words.

"So meaning all these while, we've been an idiot?" He asks. Jeno just chuckles as he nods.

"You were an idiot for two years. Guess I was much more of an idiot than you are."

"That also means that we've been pining for each other for nothing?" Jaemin asks again, still doesn't quite believe it yet.

"Not for nothing because now I've got you for myself. You are worth pining for, Nana." Jeno cups Jaemin's face into his palms, caressing his cheek so lovingly that it just seems so surreal.

"I, god, I'm so sorry, Jeno. I wish I would've noticed sooner." Jaemin apologises with a cute pout, cheeks dusted in a soft blush when he notices how close their faces are. When does it happen anyway?

"That's not what I want to hear right now though." Jeno pouts this time and Jaemin can't help but smile, a little shyly if Jeno could say so and it's cute, just very very cute. He thinks it's adorable how shy Jaemin comes to, something he knows that only he has the privilege to see and vouches to see it more and more from now on.

"I love you, Jeno." Jaemin says, blushes madly for saying it out loud, and Jeno flashes his greatest smile yet as he closes the gap and softly bump their noses together.

"I love you more, Nana." He whispers and goes for the kiss he's been waiting for years to claim.

 

Unbeknownst to Jaemin, his life had been a story worth telling all along. He just doesn't realise that yet and Jeno would tell him later that night, when they part way in front of Jaemin's house after sharing their many, many kisses that Yuta had to point out how swollen Jaemin's lips are.

It’s a love story worth telling and Mark and Donghyuck will probably be the first ones to hear them anyway.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> So how's it? Hope you like it! Tell me what you think about it and if you think I should put a warning for the abuse part? I don't want to upset anyone :(


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